you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
