Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize