my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
