if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
