if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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