i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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