remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
