Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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