We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
