you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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