is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
