You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
