non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
