My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
