you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
