I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize