Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
whose parrot is this?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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