Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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