i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
