Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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