peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls are so social today.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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