Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
