Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
