Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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