I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
