Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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