he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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