According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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