everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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