i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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