After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
