The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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