Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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