but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
