I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
