i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
