the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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