what day is it and did you see me today?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
