Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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