i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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