we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
worst night to have a conscience
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
