just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
