I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
