Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
