i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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