My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
