Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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