But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
