so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
