Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
