your thong is hanging out like whoa
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
