She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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