if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We had sex on a dog bed..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
