How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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