This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
