I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
