I will die if light touches me.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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