do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Where are you guys?
Drunk
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
