i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
