worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
