His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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