i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
